Nourishing Friendship

Continuing life requires people to split into different path. Somehow their line will never cross again. To have a relationship in which favorable to anti bonding, there should be effort to make the bond stay. In parpis, I usually try annual meeting recipe and the frequent option is during the Lebaran.

It is very interesting event. We have reach a point in which my friend is now legal and allowed to drive his own car. It was only dream when we will travel with someone on the driving seat. It has been done now. Maybe we're still estranged in unrelatable universe but we still have common past.

The conversation around our junior high school life makes us realized how much time gone and how old we are. There are many things that change and sometimes it is a good one. In our JHS, there are a lot of brawl and life was difficult for us. There we are united as the odds around the odds. We know many people and we are usually the wallflower. We understand the condition of our friend and how we're treated badly. It is really time to accept there are many bad things have gone and how we have surf life and be together again.

My friend has understood my past ignorant self and how I cannot speak in understandable way with many people.

I understand how life was hard for my friend when she was bullied of her dancing career and her figure.

I understand how life was with my friend and her dramas.

We have come to term about what we have in past and what we have left. Still, we're still here with each other telling a whole new story of our different universe. The people we share joke with, is still the same people.I don't know what is ahead but thanks God, I still can befriend with these people.

Indeed time has changed.

For example, look how many ducklings have turned into fabulous ducks!

shoes- Nike Air Thea
Pants- Uniqlo
Hoodie Crop Tee- Stradivarius
Bag- En Ji

Life has splitted us and returned us back again.

Accomplished

The rush of what is next has been torturing me.

I am in the phase of life, in which, you're surrounded by the stream of what's next. Somehow, this feeling makes me wonder if I am an accomplished person or not.

But indeed, accomplish is laughable concept. Every time you get into next level by accomplishing things, you find the same cycle that you must do in order to catch up. Wondrous, if you realized this and somehow think : I know I will never be satisfied.

Somehow, you're grateful because when you reached the what's next, it means you have accomplished steps before or otherwise you know, you have been successful. But that's life, you don't stop there.

Eyes is not enough by seeing, people are not enough by eating. It will goes full cycle back.

The problem is like this, the moment you accomplished tremendous achievement, you feel a very wonderful joy. Then, the memory of the joy is stored in your memory. However, how much it is there, you cannot resuscitate it to feel the same joy by thinking past accomplishment. You need to move forward and move another mountain then you can feel another joy.

But the rush, is like a flowing water. It will continue.

I realize it is actually a coping mechanism, somethings that is born from evolution to drive you. A driving force to keep u alive and be the best species on earth.

However, this feeling is overwhelming too. Somehow the expectation goes up when you entered a new zone. You found people have more experience, have more accomplishments, have more 'joy'. And wonder ! Why do u only have one thing to cherish?

College life in Universitas Indonesia is really helping me. I am born with no connection and money. Yet, my family has great driving force. The fact that I am born as loser make me hates losing. The fact that I am surrounded by losers makes me hate losers.

I am someone who will never be satisfied. I know that. If you put a bar, I have exceeded everything. But to no one surprise, this girl find another higher bar.

Indeed she should move up right?

She introspect a lot of herself. It makes her wonder too.

Why would she is running against lucky rocket? But here, she knows that she will, but maybe she find something else. Some meaning of this running contest.

At least, this will make her alive. She will keep upgrading. Maybe, she will be the best one day.

However here, I dont want to be the best with the parameter other's make. That is her parameter that keeps her balance, being happy of what she has accomplished and what to accomplish, and being motivated to find more, experience more by what other have laid base.

There are kind people everywhere

I feel never in my life a realization how unlikable i am. I remind a day when i ask in quora what is the point of being kind, but i am that ignorant and selfish because I never understand empathy and why should someone be kind.

What is the point?

In my life, i am surrounded by people who taught that there is no genuity and there should always be a payback. However there are a lot of people who never pay back. I remember om Teguan, one of some homeless desperate dude. I dunno what in my grandma my was that he treated him kindly and like usual, just some critics then that guy never really got friendly with my grandma, despite all kindness, food and other stuff he received from my grandma.

And from that day i also know that i really should not expect anything from being kind. My grandma should have not expected any payback of her voluntary action

Even i know she really doesnt mind but i really wonder if there were anyone out there who can have genuine feeling and will not be offended of how people payback such a kindness with a slap.

With my upbringing, I really never understand why should someone be so kind and sacrifice for other. You're all not Jesus!

It is really weird thing but maybe their kindness is actually something that will pay somehow. For example, it is me who can now only pray and such , i cannot payback something equally worthy of the kindness i receive from ka putra, bili and felix. If there is such media in which i can convey how i am happy and being helped because of them, i want to express my most genuine gratitude. Because i see and i experience life, but not so much people who are willingly to do kindness to such extend for someone who is rude, disturbing and maybe just an acquaintance to them.

I also thanks God to help me grow to this point. I am still dis lil bitch like usual and not really turn 180 into charming princess. I am just myself but I just think, it is unfair if I can give back to them but for the very least, I never really show how their kindness is not wasted on me.

Maybe i am not someone who deserve such kindness in the first place. But because they still give it to me anyway, thank you so much