Accomplished

The rush of what is next has been torturing me.

I am in the phase of life, in which, you're surrounded by the stream of what's next. Somehow, this feeling makes me wonder if I am an accomplished person or not.

But indeed, accomplish is laughable concept. Every time you get into next level by accomplishing things, you find the same cycle that you must do in order to catch up. Wondrous, if you realized this and somehow think : I know I will never be satisfied.

Somehow, you're grateful because when you reached the what's next, it means you have accomplished steps before or otherwise you know, you have been successful. But that's life, you don't stop there.

Eyes is not enough by seeing, people are not enough by eating. It will goes full cycle back.

The problem is like this, the moment you accomplished tremendous achievement, you feel a very wonderful joy. Then, the memory of the joy is stored in your memory. However, how much it is there, you cannot resuscitate it to feel the same joy by thinking past accomplishment. You need to move forward and move another mountain then you can feel another joy.

But the rush, is like a flowing water. It will continue.

I realize it is actually a coping mechanism, somethings that is born from evolution to drive you. A driving force to keep u alive and be the best species on earth.

However, this feeling is overwhelming too. Somehow the expectation goes up when you entered a new zone. You found people have more experience, have more accomplishments, have more 'joy'. And wonder ! Why do u only have one thing to cherish?

College life in Universitas Indonesia is really helping me. I am born with no connection and money. Yet, my family has great driving force. The fact that I am born as loser make me hates losing. The fact that I am surrounded by losers makes me hate losers.

I am someone who will never be satisfied. I know that. If you put a bar, I have exceeded everything. But to no one surprise, this girl find another higher bar.

Indeed she should move up right?

She introspect a lot of herself. It makes her wonder too.

Why would she is running against lucky rocket? But here, she knows that she will, but maybe she find something else. Some meaning of this running contest.

At least, this will make her alive. She will keep upgrading. Maybe, she will be the best one day.

However here, I dont want to be the best with the parameter other's make. That is her parameter that keeps her balance, being happy of what she has accomplished and what to accomplish, and being motivated to find more, experience more by what other have laid base.